What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
