bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
