I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
