just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me