I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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