this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
