we're chasing vodka with high fives
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
