some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize