happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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