Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
