I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
