If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
