the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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