shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
