When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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