My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
