I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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