Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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