I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
