Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
