how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
