I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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