3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I touched a dick in church today
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