And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
