you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
