He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
