we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
