she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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