I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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