god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
