i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
