I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
