We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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