Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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