Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So much rum. So many feels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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