I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
