the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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