$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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