Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
