i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
