i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
