Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.

  (310): View more from California

  Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.

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  (310): Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them. (310): Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light. http://tfl.nu/t4oe
  Replies (12) Good night (3182) Bad night (552)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.

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  (856): I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full. http://tfl.nu/pi6t
  Replies (106) Good night (5361) Bad night (935)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas

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  (440): By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas http://tfl.nu/5ruz
  Replies (46) Good night (4847) Bad night (1358)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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  (620): Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven. http://tfl.nu/24p0
  Replies (42) Good night (9992) Bad night (1415)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were

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  (727): they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were http://tfl.nu/gg4c
  Replies (5) Good night (2493) Bad night (777)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (21) Good night (3779) Bad night (1000)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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  (812): well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me. http://tfl.nu/v83s
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (591)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.

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  (573): ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME. http://tfl.nu/9twm
  Replies (4) Good night (1669) Bad night (837)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

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  (772): I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all.. http://tfl.nu/gmlb
  Replies (9) Good night (737) Bad night (1806)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...

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  (267): she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling... http://tfl.nu/2dyo
  Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.

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  (301): I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go. http://tfl.nu/3bnd
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (248)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.

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  (850): I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/h93q
  Replies (2) Good night (224) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.

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  (479): I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap. http://tfl.nu/23la
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE

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  (803): Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE http://tfl.nu/rt74
  Replies (13) Good night (399) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.

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  (607): I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs. http://tfl.nu/ntwi
  Replies (3) Good night (357) Bad night (358)

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