I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i barfeds in our rink
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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