U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
