Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?