shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
