Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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