My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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