You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
