the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
