I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
