I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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