She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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