I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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