I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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