I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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