I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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