Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
