So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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