I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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