I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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