dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
