is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
