he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
