i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
