i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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